Every Time Joe Goldberg Should’ve Been Arrested
Joe Goldberg is not a good guy. He’s not a misunderstood antihero. He is a well-read serial killer , the voice of a sex operator and we have all collectively let it slide for four seasons straight. Now, with Season 5 premiering THIS WEEK, it’s time we take a good hard look at the television and ask: why hasn’t this man been arrested?
Season 1: The Bookstore Boyfriend from HELL
Crimes: Stalking, identity theft, kidnapping, murder,and a deeply unhealthy obsession with a girl who just wanted to write books and post a thirst trap in peace.
Bodies dropped: Benji (locked in cage), Peach (staged suicide), Ron (respectfully you should’ve left Paco alone), Elijah (pushed him off a roof) and Beck (strangled his own girlfriend).
Should’ve been arrested for: Everything. Literally from episode one.
How he got away with it: He’s a white man in Brooklyn with good taste in books. Society and the NYPD never stood a chance.
Season 2: New Name, Same Murderous Vibes
Crimes: Identity theft (he steals someone’s entire life), stalking (again), imprisonment (for someone on the run, he travels fast with a steel cage) and a solid handful of fresh murders.
Bodies dropped: Jasper (Joe FULLY dismembered this guy), Henderson (kind of deserved it?) and Joe’s mothers boyfriend which is shown in flashbacks. I will add Delilah to this even though Love did the job, if not for Joe…. Delilah would have never been in the cage.
Should’ve been arrested for: MURDER? or Holding a journalist hostage in a glass box and leaving her alone with his wife.
How he got away with it: Money. Once Joe Goldberg married Love Quinn, he has the bank account and the power to get away with ANYTHING.
Season 3: A Husband, a FATHER and yes, still a serial killer.
Crimes: Light cheating, a lot of murder and weaponized therapy. Joe tries domestic bliss and instead just relocates his homicidal urges to a small suburban neighborhood.
Bodies dropped: Ryan (stabbed), HIS WIFE?!?!? (poisoned & arson)
Should’ve been arrested for: Arson, Murder, Literally anything at this point.
How he got away with it: Joe fakes his own death, passes the blame to Love and runs off to play professor screwloose in London. (still no information on how he is boarding these planes but hey, good for you Joe)
Season 4: Professor I dun it
Crimes: Holding hostages, Murder as always. Stalking again, if you count psychologically stalking yourself as a crime. Truly no one is safe, not even Joe from Joe.
Bodies dropped: Malcolm (stabbed), Simon (stabbed), Vic (strangled) Gemma (stabbed) and Rhys (tortured), Tom Lockwood (shot) Lockwood Bodyguard (slit his throat) Edward (slit throat). We’ve tallied 18 murders by now, in case you are counting.
Should’ve been arrested for: Gaslighting himself into thinking he was innocent along with EVERYTHING else…
How he got away with it: Rich people immunity, Joe Goldberg is a looney toon but a genius one. Kate and her family had enough money to turn him into a damn politician.
Season 5: Will we finally see the fall of Joe Goldberg?
Spotted; Joe Goldberg back on the prowl in the big apple. Joe has somehow rebranded from serial killer to socialite, with a powerful CEO wife, a penthouse and it all sounds very much like a Gossip Girl plot.
It’s been three years since the London body count and now Joe’s trying to live his "happily ever after.” He's playing supportive husband and gold star dad, while also pretending he didn’t kill half of London in a fit.
The ghosts of Joe’s past won’t stay buried for long. Especially while he chooses to live a public facing life, hiding behind his wife’s generational wealth.
Oh, and did I mention he meets a new woman? Because of course he does. Bronte enters the chat and suddenly Joe is reevaluating his rich people rebrand. We will have to wait and see if Joe finally learns the age old lesson, when women say they want a man to do anything for them, they usually don’t mean murder.
YOU season 5 premieres on Netflix on April 24th, 2025. Check out the trailer below.
